The fail of my marriage, was one of the hardest times of my life. I was very much so hurt by him and the abuse, but I was also very down, because divorce was not an option for me! I pointed all the blame at him for the fail of the marriage, but I never looked at my own faults. My friend Riley was one of greatest blessings when I was going through my divorce. He and I talked about my marriage, he asked me questions about it, and he made me think about the situation from another point of view. He gave it to me straight and opened my eyes to many things!! Thank you Rilo!!! You are GREAT!!
So now, when I think back at my marriage, I realize that I am not a great communicator. I’m not good at expressing my feelings and talking about things that matter! I literally experienced this a few days ago when talking to “Tenderoni”, we sat at the dinner table for 3 hours, yet I still had to send him a text to convey exactly what I was trying to say!!! It’s really bad!!! But I am working on it!!! However, I do know that communication is the key to a lasting relationship!
So I have openly admitted that I am not the best communicator, so I have had to so do some research….. Here we go!!:
- Choose the Right Words: To effectively promote the desired love, unity and intimacy in a relationship, both partners must learn to choose words that are seasoned with respect, love and submission. The right words used at the right time will douse doubt, fear and unwanted judgment. Everything you say should promote your feelings and show loyalty and respect to your partner, regardless how hurt you are. Allow your words to be the pillars to a successful conversation!
2. Avoid Assumptions: Many times, we assume things that we do not understand, and his can be very harmful to a harmonious relationship. Take the time to listen to what your mate is saying, not just assume what is going to be said. I’m sure we have all sure that when you assume, you make and a** out of you and me. Assumptions are so harmful, so I suggest, if you don’t know, ASK, you can’t be afraid to question the unknown!!
3. Choose The Proper Time To Speak: ”To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven… A time to rend, and a time to hate; a time to keep silence, a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes3:1-10). There is the need to know your partner’s mood and temperament before discussing critical issues. No matter how overwhelming the matter may be, choose carefully when and where to you approach the topic.
4. Learn To Listen: Listening and hearing are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!!! To listen is to acknowledge what is being said, to hear is to acknowledge a sound. Communication is a two-way process and it requires the cooperation between the speaker and the listener. Listen attentively to what your partner is saying and give accurate feedback. Try not to hear certain words, LISTEN to the complete thought for your partner’s point of view!
5. Be Open And Truthful: Being open is letting your mate in! Giving your partner the insight they deserve in the relationship. be discussed! Being open and honest will take your relationship to a different level.
In a relationship, you are bound to have a difference of opinion. You are bound to view things differently! You are bound to disagree! But, you must open the lines of communication so that your partner will understand where you are coming from and know your thought process for the future! As you enter into new relationships, ask God to help you be more open with your feelings, ask him to give you a listening ear! Ask the Lord to give you and your mate a tender heart!!
Prayer: Father God in Heaven, thank you for this day! Thank you for my eagerness to want to be more like you as I prepare myself for my season of love! Father I ask that you work on me as it relates to being an awesome communicator! Father I ask that you will bestow upon me everything that I need to be the best person for my partner! Lord I ask that you will show me my faults in the realm of communication and I pray that you will show me how to fix them! Father, I love you and I know that you are working on me RIGHT NOW, so God I just ask that you continue to be a present help for me! I pray that you will mold me into the person you want me to be and that you improve me for my mate! God, I thank you in advance and I praise you for all the things you have done, are doing, and will do in my life! I say this prayer in your son Jesus name I pray. Amen and Praise God!